My Pride, and someday I will be

Everyone has an ideal partner in their fantasy. It might be unrealistic. So I prefer to specify someone in real life as a role model to me. My ideal man is definitely someone like My Father. People always says that. In this world, the man who love you most is already married with your mother. He is your father. He pampers you without wanting repay and it is for no reason, perhaps just because you are his princess.

the signature, genetic small eyes w/ single eye lids

He is always loving and caring. He is our chef, he will cook whenever we want him to cook for us. He is generous to us. He always put us first. As long as we are happy, he will do everything for us if he is capable. He remember every detail of our family. He remember all of our birthdays, he even remember the wedding anniversary date when Mom already forgotten. He is just sweet like that. He constantly praise how beautiful my mom is, until today. Which two of them already 60. He still keep doing this, even Mommy says he is way too cheesy sometimes. But I think this is very lovely, and this is how they managed to keep good relationship. Because my father did not lazy on putting effort into this family. Despite he is a typical ego man, and sometimes they had big arguments. He rarely tell us he loves us. But we all know that, because actions speak louder than words. I am having the best parents on earth. Proud to be their child. I am so glad that I born in this family. I am always carefree. They will always give their best support to me and understand me. Ups and downs. But I am definitely feeling loved.

They are my faith

I accepted a challenge, and fought for fifteen months. Finally comes to an end. I rarely regretted on what I have chosen, even it did not has a good ending. I have grown and learned a lot. I believe no one wants a bad ending. Things just happened. Everyone deserve a chance. But it is hard to let people learn about appreciating. Talk is cheap, hence we need deeds. I have faith, about things will eventually get better. I know what I deserve. No one is perfect. But at least you have to be happy on what you have. Things which worth you holding on, even sometimes make you tears but you know the joy will eventually smooth the tears.

Blue Gift

Hi, It's monday. 24 March. It's a blue monday. I think mine is not too bad. Sometimes, thing happened. I believe people always have a choice and a chance. I just think about it again. It is true. When you really want something, you will always make it happen. Even if you can't, but at least try your best making the best effort. Things might can't work the way out like you wanted to be. Eventually you will realize your effort did paid off, and those little differences matter. Don't ever just thinking about impossibility, think about possibility. I believe in Law of Attraction.

πᾶνδῶρον, the all-gifted. but it's not all.

I am glad that people around me always make me a happier girl. I try to shine as much as I can. Like I always do. Someone said I lose weight. It's a happy thing or not, I not sure. I am not a logical person as people think I am. Neither a cold blood person. I just wish I am. Things will be easier. But never mind. I will make it through.

Bobo Low

Hello, It's Christmas today. I stuck at home for this holiday. Lazy to organize any outing, and don't feel like being sardine in the crowd. Perhaps too old for celebration already. But I think it is nothing wrong for not going celebrate festival. Everyone got their own way how they pass their day (:

Back to the topic. Actually I don't really feel like posting such sad post after a jolly birthday post in a jolly day. But this is the only thing which I feel like updating. It is about my pet, and she is also my family member. Bobo, Low. She was passed away two weeks ago. Cried for 2days, and it is enough. But every time anything that reminded me about she is away, I will still feel upset.

 taken months ago, when I was back to home but she's still sleeping. so adorable.

She was with us for 13years. She always being good and adorable. Just when she was young, she still very naughty. Always tried to run out from house, and we have to chase and catch her back. Probably that was the best entertainment for her already. She helped us to catch thief, catch lizard (big ones, not those small ones.), and bring us a lot of joy. I feel sorry that she stayed at this home sometimes. She is a Spaniel Cocker. Spaniel Cocker could be very beautiful with long hair but due to we didn't really learn how to take care of her. She got some skin disease and have to be in short hair. We are not those family having so many care and love for a pet. We did not give her the best thing although we tried our best to giving her what we could give to her.

She is old, convert her age to a human age. She is already 91years old. She has been suffering in some illness in past weeks before the day comes. We actually could choose to help her do more check up, but we think that is a suffer for her so we choose to put her to sleep. It is not easy for us too. I hope she is doing good up there now. I really hope that.

Thank you for being with us. We love you. 

Curiousity kills a Cat

love this shot - happy girl with puffy single eye lids & cheek dimple (:

 I miss the sunshine and good air condition in europe

being home is making me lazy. Most of the people after knowing I am back to home, they usually ask the same question " When/What are you going to work(as)? " this question is getting me bored -__- Sometimes I really wonder do they really know me? I mean at least what were I studies for the past four years *rolleyes* sometimes the second question make me even more grumpy " Why don't you start working now? " not to anyone, but some people they don't really understand the tough part of my course. They see us fooling around more than working on assignment so they thought our course was so relax. Interior design is more than you think. After four years of the uncountable sleepless day and night, we need some holiday before get started on working life. so STOP ASKING, IDIOT.

It's my life, not yours. I know how to handle it.

Breakeven

smile even though you are sad

Sometimes thing never go the way you want. When problem happened, don't blame first but think about what I've done. This is what I always tell myself. Think positively although is hard. But just try to make ownself feel better. I'm enough of doing everything by my own and have no respond from others. I feel so fed up. Life at uk sometimes make me feel so alone. Not lonely but alone. At negaraku, backbones back me up. We plan and work together. But at here, everything have to be real independent. Well, I will try my best to think positively anyway.

Ms Grumpy

Having my short break in the midnight now. Everything is in a mess now. Typical last minute student. Feel grumpy since few days ago, spoiled brat. Body clock messed up, diet time messed up. I can feel my stomach shivering inside now. Can you imagine that? creepy feeling ever. Dear Stomach, I'm sorry I didn't feed you well for the whole week. please be good ):

I know I can do it. Because I want it to be done.Although in bad mood.

Alright, times up. after fag break will back to work. I hope I can done the presentation boards before friday tutorial. Next, will be the model and other tasks. All Iz Well (: till then :*

Well Dressed

Life is never easy. Talked to my lifetime advisers, tears like a baby. I understand I shouldn't worry too much but just couldn't help to. I'm not a person who with full of ambitious. I need a lot of secure feeling. I hope I can do whatever for family. They asked me don't think too much, everything will be fine. Most important is to enjoy the present. I hope too. But I have to be considerate. Life is all about give and take, there is no right or wrong. *sigh* I miss my backbones.

I miss those days when everyone is there to stick up for me

Sometimes I feel funny 

people judge others by what they see but they don't even know the true story behind.

You don't even know me c'mon :) 

I step on

this is what appeared in my mind now

No, I'm not saying you. I don't curse my reader. Just to say that to something happened recently. I'm not really happy with it, so you know. I just want to pour a lil. This matter shouldn't get use to it. But it's alright, I still wanna say thank you. Cause it actually motivate me to get roll on my work. I know what is my aim and what should I do. So, yeah that's it. I'm gonna work hard on it. Be a smarty ass. till then, peeps (:

Too good to be True

Time never move backwards

 photo taken during Eason KL DUO tour by myself

I had a dream. A dream about, I was just woke up. When I open my eyes, I saw a ceiling fan spinning slowly. I saw some shine get through from the yellow curtain. I saw the walls are in grey and blue colour scheme. I was lying on a queen size bed with few pillows. I sat up, and start crying like a baby. I feel so happy yet so sad. I was feeling happy because I thought I was still there, but I feel sad because I was still there too. Then, I woke up again. I didn't saw any ceiling fan hanging, and the walls are in pink and white colour scheme. I was lying on a single bed, beside got a board with all of my polaroid collections. This time I didn't cry, but I don't feel happy neither. This is not a nightmare, but it's worse. I hate being alone, and also being left out. I never tell parents about how I really feel, because I don't want them to worry. Mom knows me the best, she always call me a cry baby. I chose to come here, I'm not gonna be regret. But the hard feeling just couldn't go away. The dream is too good to be true.

In a Sad Pickle

After all, what are birthdays? Here today and gone tomorrow. Help yourself. –Eeyore

Mood been fucked up for few days, and getting worse. It's full moon time perhaps. Mood swing like crazy. I know i shouldn't keep on complain, but I just need a place to vent out those feeling. I know sometimes not everything are going the way we want, we couldn't blame for it. Somehow the feeling is still bad, and couldn't get over just like that. I thought this weekend should have some fun time, but no. Well, i'm just demanding. But it's alright, I keep it well. I don't wanna say or complain it out, i mean in front of people. It is bad. Bad of, i'm demanding, i'm not understanding, and i'm irritating.

My head is screaming, “Get a grip, girl, unless you’re dying to cry your heart out”. –Megara (Hercules)

Roll like a Roller-Coaster

 mood swing, you suck

 

I know I should be appreciate more, not complain more. But when you are in my shoes, it might still happen to you. Being alone is really suck, suck to the max! Everyone is saying, it's okay you made friends there :D oh right, but they stayed another accommodation. Which mean i'm still fucking alone. Sometimes it is hard for me to go their place by my own. Imma chicken, freaking coward. Afraid of darkness. It's great, when they willing to pick me up and send me back. But I do understand how tiring could be if they do it every time, I feel bad too. So, at the end I'm alone at my room. I feel homesick even more. I miss my family, my girls, and the buddies. Whenever I need them, they will be by my side. But not in UK.

Carry On

I failed to update my blog post as I said. No mood ):

recent brummie forecast at night, geeeez

maybe I have just no luck on October. I don't feel alright though. Too many stories and feelings got no one and no place to express. The backbones all are at another part of earth, different time zone. It's hard to tell them though. Have to bear it all own, I feel so helpless. So called reality perhaps? have to go on no matter how unhappy, and act like you are happy with it. Wished to move, somehow I know it couldn't be ):

I just Held it in

Sometimes, when life goes too smooth. Beware. It's a sign of bad things coming over. Tomorrow the mates are going to London for the design festival ): but without me. Because I haven't completely settle down my stuffs. Appointments crashed, fml. Think will be going other nearer place to chill in this weekend with Jon them instead of course mates ):

my daily routine after I'm in UK, always cheer me up a lil ♥

As if the things could be just little go on the way that I wished for, how great that will be ): but it's alright. Just gotta used to it, this is life man. Miss my backbone girlfriends and buddies ): I miss the outings, yumcha, fun night and occasions. Today when they asked about my birthday, I don't feel really happy at all. Because I'm passing without my closest people ): well, time to hit the sack. night peeps :)

A Stage, or A Step

It's a full scheduled week, I've been busy outing and outing everyday. No time for update about the outings but at least some updates bout myself. Encountered some problems before left, that is what was I worrying since I knew it and now. I know parents are worrying too. That is why I keep it although I don't feel secure at all. Especially mom, she was worrying. A lot, I believe so. I told her, I'm alright and it's gonna be fine. Just to comfort her but I know the best what was I actually feel.

yet, keep telling myself. It's gonna be fine

I'm actually doubting myself for take caring my own. I'm just too spoiled. But it's also a time for me to be real independent. Everything just gonna get done by my own. All alone. I hope myself could get it through easily. Just so soon, now I feel scare instead of nervous nor excitement.